Star One Smart Blog's

Good news from Lost Angels...Sheryl "One Square" Crow announces the carbon-footprint-minimizing adoption of a Bounty-ful Baby Boy. I'm sure he's just Charmin...

LOS ANGELES - Happy Mother's Day to Sheryl Crow — the singer-guitarist has adopted a baby boy. "I am so excited to share with you guys that I've adopted a little boy. He was born two weeks ago," Crow announced on her Web site Friday. She told fans the boy's name "is Wyatt..."

Well, a shame that she didn't choose 'Wayne'; as in John Wayne, of "John Wayne Toilet Paper" fame...you know, rough, tough, and won't take sh*t off nobody...the stuff that's found for sale at Sams', and used in every bidet-less bidness in America.

I just gotta quote Sheryl on her 'trend while sitting' 'One Square will do ya' line, one more time...

"One of my favorites is in the area of conserving trees which we heavily rely on for oxygen. I propose a limitation be put on how many sqares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit..."

That's some Al Gore lovin' stuff, right there. Sheryl, now you know that, in Morocco, and in most other Islamic nations, toilet paper is unused and practically unheard-of; if you really want to get 'down to earth', such a place as Morocco would be right up your crevice.

If you really want to go 'Sheryl' in the Bathroom, and don't want to give up the comfort of multiple squares, alternatives can be found. There is a World of Backside History to explore, and old ideas to 'recycle'. Before Toilet Paper? thought you'd never ask...

Before toilet tissue- wealthy Romans used wool and rosewater and sponges soaked in salt water at the end of a stick. Wealthy French used lace, wool and hemp. In the Middle Ages they used hayballs and a scraper/gompf stick kept in a container in the privy. Early Americans used rags, newsprint, paper from catalogs, corncobs, and leaves. Vikings used lambs wool. Hawaiians used coconut shells. Eskimos used snow and Tundra moss. A bidet is used in France. Defecating in the river is very common. Cleaning with the left hand and water is common in India. Sailors used the frayed end of an old anchor line.

Backside to Shery's newly-adopted little boy, Wyatt. We can still wonder if little Wyatt will start life as a 'one-diaper' baby, and whether Mom Sheryl will spend some time with enviro-friendly cloth diapers and a sink-top 'hand-powered washing machine' (with a wringer) for cleaning up after that poop-generator that all babies come equipped with. And, someone simply must, for Mother's Day, get Sheryl this 'perfect' gift, the Atech ipod Toilet Paper dispenser...after all, if you have to use just one square, you better have some Background Music to cover the bathroom sounds.

Sheryl can then retain at least a few bits of the 21st century while she 5|-|17s... ;D